John Cowan - Borrowing Your Eyes - Life | Well Being - Coast FM

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John Cowan - Borrowing Your Eyes

Tuesday, July 24, 2012 1:21 PM

When my kids were little they always tried to snatch my glasses to play with - sometimes they got really bent. Your kids might not be going for your specs, but they do want to borrow your eyeballs. Children try and look at themselves through their parents’ eyes. They want to know how we see them - that’s how they find out what they are like. They look at us all the time to try and pick up clues. They want to know what we are thinking about them. Of course they pick up on our negative and critical words and body language, but we can also positively shape our kids’ self image too. For instance, when we give our children our trust, when we entrust them with tasks, when we let them handle our precious objects, it tells them, “I think you’re capable. I think you are good. I think you are worthy of my trust.” I remember letting my youngest child help me with cutting wallpaper for the walls when he was only about five. It was a bit scary, and he was a bit rough, but I was able to trim it up afterwards, and he was stoked that I trusted him with something like that.

Another way of lending our children our eyeballs is by giving them positive labels to use about themselves. “Thank you for giving that to me – you’re generous.” “I saw you helping your sister – you’re a really kind person.” They are finding out about their own identity, and it is positive.