Catch up on shows with The Coast On Demand
Tuesday, July 24, 2012 12:05 PM
Kids can be tricky. At The Parenting Place we have some Parent Coaches that do one-to-one sessions with parents to help them crack tough parenting problems. Of course, they have a range of different techniques that they recommend but I know they have one trick that they pull out when many other techniques seem to have failed. And sometimes it seems to work like magic.
It’s called focused attention: special and regular time with a child so that they feel really loved. Instead of Time Out this is Time In. Set aside 15 minutes when you can give uninterrupted attention to just one child. Let them select an activity from a list of options that they enjoy, like blocks or drawing or playing with toys or whatever. Then all you have to do is simply observe and narrate what your child is doing. State the obvious - say what you see: "You are putting all the farm animals together." “Now you've taken out the brown horse." Or "You're building a tall tower. The blocks are very high now. Oops, one fell off."
Keep the time positive and friendly. Resist teaching or asking questions. If your child misbehaves, simply turn away and wait. If necessary, tell him ‘Together Time’ is over but you will be looking forward to the next time.
Why does it work? A reason why children often misbehave lies in how a child feels about himself. If the main message he is getting is that you are not enjoying him, he is likely to continue to be difficult. When a child feels understood and their emotional needs are met, often the problem behaviour will go away. As a child begins to feel loveable, their need for attention for the wrong reasons diminishes.
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