John Cowan - Presenting a United Front - Life | Well Being - Coast FM

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John Cowan - Presenting a United Front

Monday, July 30, 2012 11:40 AM

Kids love to divide and conquer! Children have a sixth sense about whether Mum and Dad agree on things, and if they detect a gap in your standards, watch out! Our lovely kids are smart enough to charge through those gaps in our parental ranks to get to the things they want. I know: I have seen it happen, right here, in my own house!

You don’t have to agree on everything with your spouse. Real people have real differences on many issues. The important thing is that you present a united front of cooperation and communication, not perfect agreement. If you give an instruction or set a boundary, and your kids tell you that it is different from what their other parent has already said, then, unless there are hugely important reasons not to, defer to the earlier ruling. “Oh really? You better do what she says. I’ll have talk to her about what her reasons are.” Or, “Hmm, okay. I’ll talk to her and get back to you.” Back each other up.

Some people would say, “Never disagree in front of your children.” I would rather say, “Never disagree disagreeably in front of your children.” As role models, one of the things you should be modeling is how two adults can resolve differences, or to disagree but concede to one another, and do it in a peaceful, friendly, mature way. If you can do that well, your children would benefit to occasionally witness it.