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John Cowan - Say ‘Yes’

Friday, August 17, 2012 4:11 PM

We all hated that stage when our toddlers learnt how to say “NO!” and it became their favourite word. Well, kids sometimes think “No” is our favourite word as well.   “No. No. No!! What was it you wanted again?”

Often you have to refuse children’s requests, but you will engage cooperation much more if you put a positive spin on it. “Yes, when…” is much better than “NO!”

“Can I have a lolly?”
          Our instant response is “No, you’ll spoil your dinner.”
          But instead you can say “Yes, when you have finished your dinner.”

“Can we fill up the paddling pool?”
          “No, it’s far too cold.”
          Instead of that try, “Yes, this afternoon, when it’s warmer.”

You’ve just said, “No”.... but didn’t it sound like ‘Yes”!?

Instead of “No, you can’t watch TV, you’ve got home work” you can say, “Come and watch some TV as soon as you’ve got your homework done”. “Of course I’ll take you swimming, just as soon as you’ve stacked the firewood”. You have just said “No” to them, but it just sounded so much like “Yes” that they forget to get offended and resentful. They might even like you! It’s only a little rearrangement of words but parents have told us that this trick has completely changed the atmosphere during stressful times, like breakfast time.