The Secret To a Happy Marriage: Get Angry!

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Monday, August 06, 2012

Some say the secret to a happy marriage is forgive, forget and get over it. But psychologists at the University of Tennessee say that may not be such a good idea. New research suggests that actually getting angry might be the best way to solve relationship problems. Professor James McNulty found that forgiving may actually build up resentment. He said the short-term discomfort of an angry but honest conversation can benefit the health of a relationship in the long term. He added, "I continued to find evidence that thoughts and behaviors presumed to be associated with better wellbeing lead to worse wellbeing among some people - usually the people who need the most help achieving wellbeing." In a set of recent studies, he found that forgiveness in marriage can have some unintended negative effects. His research found a variety of factors can complicate the effectiveness of forgiveness, including a partner's level of agreeableness and the severity and frequency of the transgression. Additionally, he claims, anger can serve an important role in signaling to a transgressing partner that the offensive behavior is not acceptable. However, McNulty found there was no single answer to the problem saying, "There is no magic bullet, no single way to think or behave in a relationship. The consequences of each decision we make in our relationships depends on the circumstances that surround that decision."