Pre-wedding jitters

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Monday, September 17, 2012

Wives who had doubts about getting married before their wedding, were two-and-a-half times more likely to divorce four years later, than wives without these doubts.

So what about men having doubts? While women were less likely than men to get the jitters, their concerns were more meaningful in predicting trouble after the wedding, the researchers found.

With couples still married after four years, husbands and wives with doubts were significantly less satisfied with their marriage than those without doubts.

In the words of the researchers, 'You know yourself, your partner and your relationship better than anybody else does; if you’re feeling nervous about it, pay attention to that.

'It’s worth exploring what you’re nervous about.'

Doubt proved to be a decisive factor, regardless of how satisfied the spouses were with their relationships when interviewed, whether their parents were divorced, whether the couple lived together before the wedding and how difficult their engagement was.

Thomas Bradbury, a UCLA psychology professor and co-author of the study, compared the situation to finding something disturbing on your skin that you hadn’t noticed before.

'If you see something unusual on your skin, should you ignore it and go to the beach, or see a doctor? Be smart and don’t ignore it - and don’t ignore your doubts either.

'Have a conversation and see how it goes. Do you think the doubts will go away when you have a mortgage and two kids? Don’t count on that.'

However, the psychologists say they aren't advising women with doubts to necessarily end the relationship.

'Talk about it and try to work through it,' Bradbury said. 'You hope that the big issues have been addressed before the wedding.'

Sensible advice, whatever the age of the couple preparing to walk down the aisle!